… to continue in English, press two

I went to pay a ticket the other day and, although paying online is an option, when searching for my ticket number the database returned “no citation found.” So I called the police to see what the deal is. (Side note: found out that the ticket will post sometime in 30-45 days; however, you have to have paid your ticket or requested a court date within 21 days of receiving the citation, otherwise a bench warrant is issued. Your tax dollars at work.)

So I call this number (214-670-0109) as directed on the Dallas City Hall webpage (http://www.dallascityhall.com/courts/court_online_payments.html). As usual an automated message picks up and confirms, yes, I’ve called the Dallas Court Services line, just as expected. Next, it launched into the exact same speech in Spanish. Ok, this is a 50/50 proposition these days, but not a surprise when calling the DPD. What happened next made my jaw drop. In Spanish the message continued on passed the greeting and asked you to press one (1) if you wanted to continue in Spanish. Then, in English, it came back and asked you to press two (2) if you wanted to proceed in English. Yes, you read that right, one for Spanish, two for English. Call it for yourself; again, 214-670-0109.

Now I’m no foe to diversity and I believe in most tenants of the various equal rights organizations, and even support some of them monetarily and with my time. But isn’t this the United States of America? I know full well that the United States has no “official” language, but you can also note that, as of this writing, 28 states do, in fact, have English as their “official” language. And official or not, there is no disputing English is the language of commerce and law of this land.

Are my expectations so out of whack? If I were to move to another country I would full well expect to have to learn the native tongue. When I travel abroad the first thing I do when I know I’m going is look up key phrases and memorize them, then begin building myself a pocket cheat-sheet of other useful phrases in the local language. Why? Because when I’m in a country where another language is spoken I fully expect it is ME who needs to change, not them. When my great-great grandparents came to this new land that offered them an opportunity to prosper, they learned English, and without all the help that is now available such as English as a Second Language (ESL) classes.

Now is this really about having to wait an extra 5 seconds and then press 2 for English? No, it’s about the implication of this and other such actions we see happening. Diversity is a good thing, something to be celebrated, as long as diversity doesn’t mean complete division. Yes, we support new immigrants with ESL classes in public schools; yes, we provide help by making available multiple language forms at the DOT (DMV in some states) as well as hospitals and other public buildings, as we should. But I ask, where does it stop? I won’t be so bold as to say I know the answer, but I can say that pressing 1, not 2 for English would be a good place to start.

So why is it everyone sues to make sure they are “included,” yet in areas where they need to make an effort to be included all the sudden we have to make special arrangements? We are a land of immigrants and this past is part of what gives us strength as a nation; what binds those otherwise singular strengths together is our sense of community, one nation, together. Together in our own unique ways, but together for the common good.

"The strength of the United States is not the gold at Fort Knox or the weapons of mass destruction that we have, but the sum total of the education and the character of our people." United States Senator Claiborne Pell, for whom the Pell Grant is named.

The social degradation of any society begins with the language. Once communication skills are hampered, collapse of other social institutions is inevitable. We need to begin to expect more from our newly welcomed immigrants. Keep your traditions, keep the best parts of you and your heritage, but join us in becoming “one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

Meat Cards: Another reason the world hates us

I ran across this website and honestly, very little surprises me these days, but I must admit, I didn’t see this one coming. I’ve had to ponder this thing for a day or two, as well, I did my research to make sure it’s not just a hoax, and low-and-behold, and sadly, it’s real.

With over ¼ of the world’s population living in extreme poverty (defined as living on less than $1.25 per day) and many third world countries having a an extreme poverty rate of >80%, we wonder sometimes why these people largely hate the United States of America and Western culture overall. Well, there are many reasons, but I need to add this one to the list.

Meetcards.com is devoted to bringing us the first and finest in beef jerky based business cards. Yes, 100% edible jerky with your business information seared onto them. So some poor bastard in the third world can’t feed himself or his family, and we are so gluttonous as to hand out business cards made of food. I’m not sure if this is a reason to think America is the greatest country in the world, or perhaps it’s simply a sign of an impending apocalypse with North America at the epicenter.

No matter what it is, check out http://www.meatcards.com/ and ponder the consequences for yourself. --J.R.

A Time to Laugh

So, we’ve had a rough time of it lately folks. The economy is in the crapper and our illustrious political leaders can’t even agree on what color it is we see in the toilet. The stock market plunge not only cost people their jobs, but for some it has pushed out that all too righteous reward for 50 years of hard work called “retirement.” If you aren’t yourself laid off you certainly know more than a handful of people who have been. Around our offices we’ve lost not just co-workers, but friends and mentors. At home, families sit around the kitchen table deciding on whether to cut little Jimmy’s baseball league or little Sally’s dance lessons; and sometimes both. Vacations are postponed and cancelled, the little fixes around the home have to wait, and for some, the local food pantry provides a vital pathway, if not an embarrassing one for some, to continue to put food on the table. We are in a recession and it sucks all around.

I’ve thought a lot about this as many of you have. What should I be doing differently? What is the answer for America? Am I the next one to be tossed out into the cold, fighting for the few open positions out there? Amidst all this and the echoes of “biggest recession since the 30s” resonating in my head, I asked a pretty simple question. Why the hell don’t we ask our grandparents what they did in the 30s? Too obvious for our government to do, I know, but for our own personal situations why not? Unfortunately, I am no longer blessed with any of my grandparents, but I know exactly what my grandmother (may her memory be a blessing) would say. How? Because we talked about it, the tough times, what it was like and what she did. What would she say now? You need to laugh. Every single day, no matter how bad it is, she said there was always something you could find to give you a good laugh. And she lived this. Even at the end when things were bad, I have a great memory, my last of her, of the family in the living room laughing. She had moments of clarity, and what shone through was her humor. So there, with her sick and unable to even stand, the family was momentarily whisked away on the wings of simple laughter. The family squabbles were set aside, the warmth pushed through the cold chill of eminent death in the air, and the giddiness of laughing like children overtook a group of adults in their 30s, 50s, 60s and one in her 90s. What we laughed about is irrelevant, and honestly, my memory to keep locked away for those tough days when I need it.

Laughter won’t cure illness, it won’t restart a seemingly lifeless economy and no, it can’t prevent wars. But what it can do is to rekindle a spark of hope. It can magically take us away from our troubles, if only for a fleeting moment. It can, in the end, renew the spirit to give it enough for just one more day. And day by day and laugh by laugh we get by. It isn’t the endgame we should relish, but rather, the little moments that get us there one day at a time.

So in this spirit, and that of George Carlin and Lenny Bruce, let’s laugh at what we shouldn’t. I’ve lost employees, mentors, and good friends from my job to layoffs as most of you have. But hey, there’s always a brighter side to it. Or at the very least, something to give us a spark of laughter, if only for a moment or two.

Top 5 reasons work is better since the layoffs

1) Three words, “front row parking.”
2) You now have at least 6 months to blame everything on someone who was laid off. “Yeah, that report… uhh… Jack was working on it. Boy, he must’ve screwed it up before he left.”
3) More coffee for the rest of us.
4) Lines in the cafeteria are shorter, and the servers are much nicer now too!
5) Not only are your chances of winning Buzzword Bingo greater now, but you have a full list of new words to use (RIF- reduction in force, right sizing, rethinking the paradigm, doing more with less, resource reallocation).

Keep smiling folks. And don’t be afraid to put up your list of things I missed above.
--J.R.

Open letter to my representatives

Please go to http://www.congress.org, input your zip code, and you will automatically be able to write an e-mail to all of your political representatives in government. It’s that easy.

Open letter to:
President George W. Bush (R),
Senator John Cornyn (R-TX),
Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison (R-TX),
Representative Eddie Bernice Johnson (D-TX 30th),

As a registered voter, I call on you to support the State of Israel not in blind devotion, but based on the following truths. As a national leader you have the unique ability to support freedom and democracy and reaffirm each country's right to freedom from terror and pursuit of happiness and peace.

Whereas, Hamas is an Islamic extremist terrorist organization, as designated by both the United States and the European Union, which calls for the eradication of the State of Israel;

Whereas, Hamas rockets from Gaza have purposefully targeted vulnerable southern Israeli cities, specifically landing on or near private homes, schools, colleges, hospitals, daycares and recreation centers;

Whereas, no sovereign government in the world would stand by and allow its citizens to be under steady and heavy attack;

Whereas, Hamas continues to hold hostage Cpl. Gilad Shalit, who was kidnapped on June 25, 2006, in southern Israel and refuses even basic humanitarian conditions or international Red Cross involvement;

Whereas, Israel is taking maximum precautions to avoid harming civilians in Gaza;

Therefore, let it be known that the State of Israel, the strongest standing democracy in the Middle East and long-time friend to The United States of America, has every right to defend their citizens from outside attack.

Let it also be known that The United States of America supports Israel unequivocally in its pursuit of measured and targeted military response and pursuit of peace within its borders and the region.

Jobless claims and the virgin theft

Just a quick one, but I simply had to comment. It was announced that jobless claims have hit a 16-year high (Mmm… 16 years ago who became President?) and those continuing on the roles and receiving benefits is near a 26-year high (Mmm… who was Prez in 1982?). Interesting facts that I expect we will see get worse before they get better. Expect an absolutely brutal December… and get ready to invest in some real gems on Wall Street come January. This downturn is going to produce an awful lot of millionaires 10 years from now.

But on the heels of this news comes, well, what I hope is NOT something we will see more of. In Newport Beach , California last Friday, a ~5-foot bronze statue of the Virgin Mary was stolen from Our Lady Queen of Angels Catholic Church. The thieves had to bust the statue out of the cement base and carry off this not-so-light 5-foot virgin. How heavy? Well, at 550 pounds per cubic foot, I’d have to say she was a hollow statue, and would still weigh in the thousands of pounds.

So what’s the connection between jobless claims and the statue theft? Well, investigators believe the statue was stolen simply for its recycling scrap metal value. At about $1 per pound, that’s an awful lot of work for a few bucks.

60 days until we remove the virus known as “W” from our body politic.

Change has come to America

“Change has come to America.” -- Barack Obama

Is it wrong for me to say I told you so? Honestly, I don’t care. President elect Obama took Ohio and won. I told you back in August if Obama took Ohio or Florida then he’d win hands down. As of 9pm central time I felt the pressure lifted. My shoulders relaxed, my eyes grew less tense, and I enjoyed watching the rest of the people continue to stress out. I knew though; I knew as soon as Ohio was called by Fox News that McCain was doomed to fail. It was simply an insurmountable mountain for him to climb to achieve the magic 270.

So now what? Now, we revel in the glorious change we have ahead. Not what you think I mean, but the fact that once again we have proven we are in the greatest nation on earth. We have, as we have 44 times before, peacefully changed our head of state by means of a democratic decision. For over 200 years we’ve handed the mantel of power from man-to-man, from generation-to-generation. Amazing when you think of how much blood has been spilt as power has transitioned over the last 200 years in other countries around the world.

And now, we must do as John McCain said. We must join together, as Americans, to make this country the best it can be. We’ve failed at that over the last 8 years, perhaps even more. Let’s take this time to dedicate ourselves to making America the land of opportunity, land of liberty and the land of freedom; together as Americans.

"My God! How little do my countrymen know what precious blessings they are in possession of, and which no other people on Earth enjoy!" -- Thomas Jefferson

$700 billion can buy a lot of apple pies

$700 billion can buy a lot of apple pies. In fact, it could buy over 2,000 McDonald’s apple pies for each and every American today. Thanks CNN, glad we got some perspective on it.

All I can think of is that I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore. Our government has fucked up again, pure and simple. I don’t even know where to start. Maybe with a question of how adding a $700 billion government bailout for the private sector is sound free market economics, but ensuring every American citizen can get health care is somehow socialistic. We can’t have it both ways Republicans. Or perhaps that we are providing $700 billion in tax money to the private sector as a loan for people who’ve already shown us they can’t run a damn business or pay the obligations they have. An apropos equivalent would be taking a family that can’t afford their mortgage payments and go ahead and give them more money/ loans to pay off that mortgage, thinking somehow a new loan means new responsibility or ability to pay. If I went to a bank and said I just lost my business because I made bad investment after bad investment and then asked for a loan because, hey, this time I got a good feeling, they’d toss me out on my butt. How is it that seemingly smart, rational people get elected and the minute they cross the Washington, D.C. city limits they turn into morons? (Now I’m looking at both of you Republicans and Democrats.) Could it be special interests or protecting their fat-cat friends and donors? Well, that’s another blog entry for another time.

Perhaps my favorite in this whole mess is Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson’s quote about the terms under which he’d accept the bailout. “Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency.” WTF?!?!?!?

Seriously? Here’s a $700 billion blank check to a guy who 6 months earlier (March 16, 2008) said “our institutions, our banks and investment banks are strong.” He gave a full endorsement that our economy is strong and sound. So are we to believe that in 6 months the entire industry went from great to flat on their face? Not even a crack head with a gambling problem could do that. He’s shown he is either incompetent or dishonest. Either way, Mr. Paulson has shown he doesn’t deserve our trust nor our confidence as Treasury Secretary, be it because he’s incapable or because he’s a liar.

So to sum it up, we’re giving a government bailout loan to institutions that clamor for more free market economics and less government intervention, who have already shown they can’t run a business and we’re going to do it via a person’s oversight who didn’t even see the writing on the wall that the failure was coming, and he won’t have any oversight or have to answer to anyone in how he allocates the $700 billion. It’s like sending a sex addict through a whore house unattended with a fist full of hundred dollar bills that belong to us to pay the mortgage. We’re sending someone we don’t trust, with no oversight or accountability through a maze he’s already shown he can’t handle to do something vitally important.

If you’re not mad then you’re not paying attention folks. Or, perhaps George Bernard Shaw was right when he said, "Democracy is a device that ensures we shall be governed no better than we deserve." I think we deserve better. Perhaps I should run for political office. Nah… people wouldn’t vote for me; I make too much sense and that’s clearly not what they want. They prefer polished BS over the cold, hard truth. Besides, given our current polarization there’s no way anyone who is moderate could make it out of a primary race on either side of the isle. What do you think? Seriously, I’d like to see some comments here. America is in trouble and it’s up to every one of us to make a stand and make a difference.

Politics: Early predictions

Since I called the Democratic VP candidate as Biden about a month before the announcement, I'll toss out another early prediction...

Looking at the electoral map there are a few situations that could play out. If Obama gets Ohio OR Florida he wins, period. McCain MUST carry both states.

If McCain pulls Wisconsin and Michigan away from Obama, McCain wins. Obama should keep both, but it will cost him millions to do so. If he struggles with cash late in the campaign he could very well lose one of those states. If he loses one, it still comes down to my final verdict below.

Final verdict... you heard it hear first, and probably last...
North Carolina could very well be the decider. (No, not as in GW is the "decider.") And the deciding factor will be voter turnout. Obama better pray for large turnouts, especially of first time voters and Clintonian Republicans who've stayed home in the last few elections.

The challenge? Being on the East Coast polls will close before the rest of the states and thus, no last minute push could be swayed by how the other states go.

This is all academic though if Obama can pull one out in either Ohio or Florida, Florida being the more likely of the two. McCain could very well take Wisconsin so look for large amounts of money being poured into that state soon after the conventions are over. If there is a protracted fight there it will come down to a dollars game. Who has more for last minute media blitzes.

My Electoral Map

PS- McCain takes Mitt as VP.

I told you so... oil, sweet oil

This goes out to all the idiots out there who were buying sweet crude futures at $165 a barrel and above. I'm glad you're losing your shirt, or Timmy's college money or your retirement. Trying to capitalize on war and tough times is simply wrong. You tried to pull a fast one and got caught with your hand in the cookie jar. You deserve it.

For those not sure what I'm talking about oil dropped below the $118 a barrel mark this week after having been going through the roof and hitting almost $150 a barrel just one month before. Why was it going through the roof? It could have been global economic pressures caused by the continued industrialization of China, India and other such countries, or it could have been the prospect of America falling into another quagmire with an OPEC nation (Iran), or it may have simply been overall demand rising in the U.S. itself. It could have been, and all these played a role, but another driver no one wanted to talk about was the idiots buying the oil futures at well above current projections. What happens then? People get scared and jump on the bandwagon. Then, more people are buying at even hire prices. Fear and the lemur mentality take over.

Next time, don't follow the rest of the pack into the on-coming truck. And more importantly, don't try to make a quick buck at someone else's misfortune.

Happy 4th of July?

Happy birthday America! Wow, you sure look a young 230-something. You know, they say the 230s are really the new 220s. So rock out with your cock out this birthday.

Since patriotism is the natural topic of the day, let me share a little something with you. Now when people talk about civil liberties and freedoms the mind instantly focuses on the war in Iraq/ Afghanistan and the prisoners held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Let’s leave that alone this 4th of July and focus instead on something closer to home.

I, your humble Jewish redneck blogger, am considered a terror threat by the TSA and the U.S. government. I am a second class citizen when it comes to travel or large loan amounts. Many of you know of my Kafkaesque experiences when purchasing and wire transferring money for the purchase of my two homes over the years, but as I draw within 24 hours of once again boarding a plane for a simple jog down to Austin for a long weekend, I once again am faced with the accusations of an unknown, faceless complainant. I’ve pursued the available actions for recourse with the end result being, I’m still in the “no-fly” list and the government continues to deny to inform me why. When asked, the response comes back, “The U.S. government doesn’t have to give out that kind of information.” And they don’t.

You’ve heard of babies being on the list, Nelson Mandela and his entire African National Congress (the governing body of South Africa), and of course, Ted Kennedy. Seriously, were they afraid he’d drink them dry of gin and send the entire city of Washington, D.C. into a panic if he got on a plane back from Vegas? Well, now you can say you actually know someone on the list.

Yes, this American born, tax paying, voting, working citizen, Jewish 30-something is on the terror watch list. Why? I have no idea. What I do know is I get extra special attention at the airport, I can’t check-in on-line or even at the airport kiosks, and I’m sick and tired of it.

How can we claim to be fighting for the freedom of others when we continue to deny even basic due process to our own citizens? How can we let OUR government continue to flip their nose up at the 4th, 5th and 6th Amendments to OUR precious Constitution? Will we continue to offer up our freedoms and liberties in an effort to protect ourselves from those we claim are coming to steal it?

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniencies attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it." Thomas Jefferson, December 23, 1791.

This holiday weekend, think long and hard what being an American means to you. Then, consider what the reality of being an American in this day and age really means.

Have a safe 4th of July weekend.