Sunday, January 18, 2009

Top ten phrases I can do without in 2009

It’s a new year, so let’s try to make it a good one by putting some phrases, acronyms and words in the ground, 6 feet under, to never, ever, ever be seen or uttered again. The world will truly be a better place without them.

10) WMD. Seriously, I can’t take this crap anymore. It’s been 7 years. They weren’t there, America suffered in the world of public opinion, let’s move on.

9) Literally. This word has lost all meaning. I hear it all the time and I can’t take it. “I literally almost died!” Unless you missed getting hit by a bus by 2 inches or found yourself getting lit up with shock paddles in the ambulance, then no you didn’t you dolt! If society can’t use it correctly then let’s just kill it. That’s why we can’t have nice words around here kids, you just break them.

8) Web2.0. WTF is this anyway? No one can define it for me, so I guess in that way it’s like porn. No one can define it, but they know it when they see it. Thanks Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart.

7) Economic crisis. Ok, we get it, we’re in the worst recession in over a generation. Got it. Understood. Totally comprehend. Now let’s focus on how to fix it you do-nothing, waste of public dollars politicians.

6) Rocket surgery. It was stupid the first time we heard it. Now, it’s just embarrassing.

5) Maverick. Not only has the word lost all meaning thanks to the beating about of it by the McCain campaign, but the real killer here is every time I see, read or hear the word the only thing that I can think of is the unholy, live cat being put through a meat grinder tail first, demonic sound of Sarah Palin screeching “Maverick!” at the top of her lungs. I honestly feel auditorily violated each and every time.

4) Dick Cheney. Enough said.

3) Going green. This falls close to Web2.0. Put three people in a room and ask them to define “going green” and you’ll end up with four answers. Time to retire this phrase and focus on actually doing something good for the environment.

2) “Hope” and “Change”. For those that think I exclusively hate on Republicans, this one’s for you. Enough talk of hope for the future and change in America. The hope is spiraling down faster than my 401K did last year and enough talking about change. Stop talking about it and make it happen!

1) Reality TV. For the love of all that is holy, can we please agree that these “reality” shows are about as real and unscripted as professional wrestling? They’ve had their 15 minutes and made their millionaires, now let them go the way of Gilligan’s Island and shelve them never to be seen or heard of again.

So, what did I miss folks? Drop your most hated phrases into the comment section and we’ll try to bury them too.


Caryn said...

When a politician or anyone else for that matter starts a sentence with, "Now, more than ever..." Usually whatever follows is actually something we should be doing regardless of whatever crisis they are milking.

Chas Newkey-Burden said...

You can add "disproportionate" to that list. How come only Israel is expected to be proportionate?

Anonymous said...

Oh come on, I love reality TV